I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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