Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
