What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
