I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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