Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
