She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
