When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
