i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
