Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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