1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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