i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
