Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They have beer where we have blood.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
