haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
