So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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