True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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