Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
