just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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