If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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