I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
