I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
