whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
