My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
