1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
