foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
