No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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