Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
