I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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