Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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