I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
