I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
