First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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