The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
