mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
