Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
