I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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