She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
