I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize