I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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