Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
