This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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