I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
