My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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