I am in a vortex of obligation.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
