hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
