wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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