I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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