I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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