Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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