Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Randomize
