Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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