Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
