her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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