Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
