i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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