Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
