yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
