Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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