Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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