So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
