I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
