Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
