Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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