Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
