it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%