well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
