The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
