whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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