i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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