so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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