Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
