i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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