Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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