how do flat chested girls get laid?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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