The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
