he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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