I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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