Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
