The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
