The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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