I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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