you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
