Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
